At the beginning of this deployment I wrote a post on good bye, as I think back on the last few days the words within it have come back to me.
I got a call on Monday afternoon from my brother who was supposed to be on a fishing boat somewhere near Alaska. I knew immediately something was wrong. “I have bad news…” I thought maybe it was our Dad, he said it was Grandpa, would I like the number so I could say good bye, he wasn’t responding, he was very weak, but he could hear me.
Goodbye? Call and say goodbye? I launched into a great conversation about why he was in Ohio and how the boat trip had been and how was Dad and all sorts of things and as we went to say goodbye he said do you want that number…what number? I had his on caller ID, oh that number, yeah but I probably won’t call…say goodbye? Call and say goodbye? I just couldn’t, I didn’t want to.
Aunt Kathryn called made sure I had the number, told me I didn’t have much time, I needed to call right now, tell him its alright to go now, tell him he doesn’t have to stay, tell him its alright…she said something like that three times, tell him its alright. Is it alright, was it alright, tell him its okay…so I called to say good bye.
Grandpa, It’s me Becky, It’s okay, you don’t have to fight any more, you have Granny waiting for you, its alright you can go now, I love you Grandpa.
Later that evening around 10 our time I got the call, the text, and the call, letting me know he was gone. Peacefully in his sleep.
No good bye, he’s gone, and yet no good bye, even then I couldn’t bring myself to tell him good bye.
Grandpa’s passing puts us Brats on a new level, our grandparents are all gone now. It is our parents who are the Big Mamas or Papa’s, or what ever cute endearing name like Broccolli our dear progeny grace them with. We feel a bit strung out by distance and events, we feel the need to stick together, to plan meet ups, to exchange old photos and reminisce. There’s more but another day…