After Sabbath Musings – 3/4/2012
So about a month ago I told you why I needed a dog. I was sitting here at just after 11pm with everyone asleep wondering, how did I come to be “that” person? How is it that after so many years of being strong, of surviving everything, did I become the person that is afraid? That panics? That yells at her children because they are just one more thing in a myriad of things that are pulling on her for attention and energy? How did I come to be in this place?
I wonder if its not a hormone imbalance something to do with 6 pregnancies in 8 years? Was it the birth control pill they put me on after my last miscarriage? I wonder, especially late at night, when only the fans from the techno gadgets keep me company. Was it the stress of raising a newborn and two very active toddlers while my husband was off training for 10 months? idk, the experts say that our body misfires and gets anxious when there is no threat. Then we avoid that “non-threat” thereby telling our mind, “you were right, we should be very afraid of ‘weird’ food, meds, doctors, being alone, not being alone, etc.” So what started out as a mistake, a simple misfire turns into a serious problem worthy of a congressional hearing.
So after I wrote last night, and sorted out some thoughts, I was able to get a pretty good night’s sleep. Until one of my monkeys woke me up before 7am. Is it not an infraction of Torah to wake Ima before 9am on Sabbath? Before 9am on Sabbath, the children belong to Abba, right?! Anyways had a good day, will be focused on having a series of good days this week, wish me well!