In the past as I have battled this thing called Anxiety or Panic Attacks, many well meaning people have suggested that I just give it over to God and stop being afraid. I have always struggled with explaining how fear and anxiety are different. But I think I have it now.
Yesterday evening I thought I felt a lump just below my breast. I tend to the imagined pains and hurts wich can in turn fuel my anxiety so I ignored it. This evening I just couldn’t/wouldn’t ignore it. Jumped in the shower and yeah there it was a small lump about a tictac not as big as a jelly bean…I didn’t have anxiety…I didn’t have a panic attack I was afraid. I called my husband in and asked him to check too. Hoping, praying that he wouldn’t find it too…but he did…and I was afraid. I didn’t follow the fear path too far but I was on it. Tears and incoherant rambles and FEAR.
I sat in my closet. I prayed. I felt the peace wanting to have its way. I felt God telling me this isn’t the worst case scenario…I was okay. I called Bobby’s Mom cause she is so full of Scripture it just flows out of her. She reminded me who I am. A child of God, the daughter of the King, a warrior. She reminded me that I was her daughter and to walk without fear to bring honor to God and honor to our family. She said that it was up to me to say I was not afraid and act on it. To show myself and my children how to fight against fear. So I did. I said I am not afraid. I remembered the verse, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
That peace that wanted to fall on me started to wrap me up. I felt stronger. I felt more calm. I felt like I could make my grocery list and go about my life. I also felt like I was going to call the Dr and make an appointment, because even though I don’t have a spirit of fear…he did give us a sound mind 🙂 So I will have an update to this tomorrow.